Friday, April 6, 2007

Shane is called out of retirement

A late-March Friday morning in the Rocky Mountains. I should be skiing, but my wife got the go-ahead to hit the slopes this morning, and I’m at home watching my 4-year-old son while trying to mulit-task and clean out my car at the same time. For most people, this wouldn’t be a big deal...but you haven’t seen my car and you haven't met my 4-year-old. Neither is a small task.

During the process, my cell phone rings and I see a 309 area code ... Illinois ... that means Springfield Armory. I gotta take this call. Key client. It’s Bill Dermody, marketing communications manager from Springfield, calling to check up on my training for an upcoming Ironman triathlon that I was stupid enough to sign up for and talk him into doing with me. Turns out neither of us is really on track with our training ... but that’s not really why he’s calling. It seems one of the head honchos at Springfield wants me to attend the 2007 NRA Show in St. Louis this year and repeat my “Shane’s World” blog from two years ago in Houston. Apparently, a lot of you read it and have demanded more.

I remember spending my birthday more or less alone in Houston a couple of years ago. I shared the day with Tom DeLusional er, Tom DeLay during his rapid fall from grace. I had some pretty cool times, though. I hooked up with my old buddy, Ted Nugent. I met military-psycho-turned-Hollywood-actor, R. Lee Ermy. I sang along with Hank Williams, Jr. and rubbed elbows with a range of people from anti-gun protesters to Olympic gold medalists to Tom Selleck, all in an effort to give you, the reader and non-NRA Show attendee, some insight into the goings-on at the show.

But I just gotta ask: Couldn”t you just attend the show yourselves and let me celebrate my birthday at home with my family and friends?! Do I really need to spend my birthday alone in a St. Louis hotel just to provide you with real-world insight into the events of a gathering that you could attend anyway? C’mon! You’re a gun owner! Join your organization! Sing along with Bocephus! Get Magnum P.I.’s autograph! Exchange insults with anti-gun protesters! Do you have to screw up my birthday again?! Evidently ...

Alas, I have resigned myself to another birthday spent in another city by myself because I believe in the greater good. I believe in a free society. I believe that the main thing that ensures that free society is an armed citizenry. And I believe that the best arms for that citizenry to possess come from a company in Geneseo, Illinois ... Springfield Armory. Near my bed sits a Springfield sub-compact 1911. Mr. Dermody sent it to my office as a photo sample. I'm sure they'll take pictures of the bad-guy after the fact should the need to use it ever arise. Then it will be a photo sample. Obligation fulfilled.

I couldn’t remember what I wrote in my blog two years ago so I Googled the term “Shane’s World.” Trust me, dear reader, don’t Google that term. Just safely navigate to and catch all the daily updates from the NRA show in St. Louis. I’ll be there. Which means you don’t have to be.

If there’s anything you want updates on, let me know. I’ll check it out for you. Otherwise, just sit there in your boxers, drink your beer and click your mouse and get all the benefits of attending the show without ever leaving the comfort of your Barco-Lounger.

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